What would it mean anymore, after decades of being half of a loving, committed couple who’d built a life together?

I was about to find out.

Price includes S&H and tax

About The Book

The Moment the World Stopped

My wife Linda and I had been together for twenty years and were raising two teenage daughters when we received some of the worst news any couple will ever hear in their lifetimes: her sudden frequent bouts of what we had believed to be pneumonia were actually symptoms of advanced pulmonary fibrosis (PF). A breast cancer survivor, the chemo that had saved Linda’s life eight years prior had damaged her lung tissue beyond repair.

This time, no matter how courageously she fought, how much she exercised, or how hard we prayed, and bargained, and tried, it was clear that PF would win the battle. We had to get ready. We had to get the kids ready.

Mama was going to die.

The afternoon we realized what was coming, we stopped for a glass of expensive cabernet at the Mission Inn, our favorite spot to celebrate. In years past, sitting at this same table-our table-under a window in the hotel lobby, we’d toasted her retirement, our anniversaries, and our wedding. We’d even taken our daughter Kerry there for her prom.

There we sat sipping our wine, reminiscing. We texted the kids that we would be home later. Intuiting what was really going on, Kerry replied, “This is it, isn’t it, Mom? Mama’s really dying now.”

What would that even mean anymore, after decades of being half of a loving, committed couple who’d built a life together?

I was about to find out.

Our hearts broke reading her words. There was no protecting ourselves or our girls from Linda’s approaching death. No stopping or hiding from it. This was really happening. To us, Jill and Linda. Someday not too far off, I would just be Jill again.

 

Chapter 1

Adjusting to Your Loved One’s Terminal Diagnosis

The most painful thing to experience is not defeat but regret.

-Leo Buscaglia

That Other DOD: Date of Diagnosis

It’s not just the Date of Death that rocks your world when someone you love is terminally ill. Grief does not start with death—not when you get advanced warning that it’s on its way. It starts the moment you learn there is no fixing the thing that’s killing your spouse. The way you imagined the rest of your life, planned for it, dreamed of it . . . all of that changes in an instant.

As difficult as it is, talking about things when you know death is approaching really matters.

How you come to grips with this together as a couple is what will prepare you both for what’s coming. And in order to manage your grief, there’s no hiding from it.

When Casper began to experience frequent choking from her worsening condition, she immediately told me there would be no feeding tubes, no hydration. Similarly, in the course of her career as a nurse, Linda had performed CPR on people with end-stage terminal diseases. She wanted none of that. They both wanted to see family. To say goodbye to our kids. To talk about their fears. To say thank you. And then, when it was time, to go as peacefully as possible.

You have to face what’s happening—together—to make that possible.

I’ve seen families in hospice who don’t want to talk about what’s happening or even to tell their dying loved one that they are dying. It was not for me to say they had to do things differently, but in these cases, being unwilling to talk about what was happening left these people unable to say goodbye. What’s more, the dying person did not get to decide for themselves what their end of life would be like. I saw time and again how this inevitably led to conflicts among family members about feeding tubes, CPR, medications, etc. All of this strife during an already painful time is so unnecessary.

Dying people know they are sick. They should be able to tell their loved ones what they want and don’t want. They should be able to see that one special place, to call the people they love, and to say what is in their heart before it’s too late. And when they can no longer speak for themselves but continue to hang on, you should have the peace of mind of knowing you are doing what they wanted.

In this chapter, I’ll cover how to adapt to your new reality. First, we’ll discuss acceptance. Then we’ll move into how to manage your spouse’s care, including how to get the best out of the healthcare system and how to talk to your doctor. A section with some specialized tips for same-sex couples has also been included, since I learned plenty about how the deck is sometimes stacked against us in the healthcare system.

But before you we can get to any of that, first you need to wrap your head around what has just happened.

To read more, purchase your copy from Jill directly or any other retailer where fine books are sold.

Price includes S&H and tax

What’s inside

^

Chapter One

Adjusting to Your Loved One’s Terminal Diagnosis

^

Chapter Two

Helping Your Loved One Cope with Their Own Grief

^

Chapter Three

Your New Role as a Caregiver

^

Chapter Four

Maximize the Time You Have Left Together

^

Chapter Five

Hospice Care 101

^

Chapter Six

Saying Goodbye

^

Chapter Seven

Rewriting the Grief Paradigm

^

Chapter Eight

Buck the Rules

^

Chapter Nine

Prepare for Change

^

Chapter Ten

Envision a New Life

^

Chapter Eleven

Live Your Life and Find Love Again

^

Chapter Twelve

A Life on Your Own Terms

Chapters

Pages

THE REBELLIOUS WIDOW PODCAST

As a widow, I wish I had this book 3 years ago when my partner was first diagnosed with cancer.

Liz Acar, LCSW, Author, Photographer, Life Coach

Jill Johnson Young empowers spouses/ partners with knowledge of the death and dying western culture and gives permission to break ties with outdated and emotionally hurtful societal customs and 'norms.'

Rev. Debra Joy Hart, RN, Certified Humor Professional, Grief Support Counselor

EARLY REVIEWS

As a widow, I wish I had this book 3 years ago when my partner was first diagnosed with cancer. The wisdom in this book will help support and empower you during a very unsettling and challenging time. If you are facing the possibility of losing your partner or have lost a loved one, I highly recommend, “The Rebellious Widow: Reclaiming life and love after loss”. Liz Acar, LCSW

Author, photographer, life coach.

Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Multi-Certified International Coach, Inspirational Speaker, photographer & author:

Navigating the Clickity-Clack; How to Live a Peace-Filled Life In a Seemingly Toxic World, with Jack Canfield, Bob Proctor, & Christy Whitman

You Are Loved; An Inspired, Meditative Visual Journey

In Joy; A Guide To Designing a Joy-Filled Life

Jill Johnson Young empowers spouses/ partners with knowledge of the death and dying western culture and gives permission to break ties with outdated and emotionally hurtful societal customs and ‘norms.’ Jill states the importance of therapeutic humor within the death and dying process, understanding that many will not agree with humor at such a ‘ solemn’ time. Jill understands that humor and shared laughter encourages the last remaining moments of emotional intimacy between partners and their family. In turn, poignant memories of the deceased are created that allow the bereaved to breathe in with an AH and out with a HA. Thank You for writing this book.

Rev Debra Joy Hart RN, Certified Humor Professional, Grief Support Counselor.

Author: Grandma D’s Bubbles

About the author.

Jill A. Johnson-Young, LCSW is passionate about making dying and grief a natural part of life for children and adults. Grief for her is a place to grow and make changes to redesign your life.

A therapist in private practice and a former hospice social worker, she loves doing speaking engagements about healthy grieving and recovery from loss, understanding children’s grief, breaking the “widow rules,” and dementia. She has trained over a thousand therapists in approaching grief in a way that works.

Jill also has an online grief program that provides support for a year after a death, www.yourpaththroughgrief.com, and a website with all things grief and dementia, www.jilljohnsonyoung.com.

Jill J. Young

Contact Jill

11 + 4 =